Winner takes all?
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For the Alpha Males, highly aggressive men who are usually at the helm of affairs, life is not a picnic. Deeper issues invariably plague most which they are unable to cope with. Jayalakshmi Sengupta probes into their private space
The death of the 42 year old CEO and MD of SAP Indian subcontinent in Oct 2009, one of the youngest CEOs ever, raised many a question. What caused Ranjan to die at his prime, especially when he was such a health freak? The tragic death is a news being circulated in the Internet by the netizens as a warning against pushing oneself too hard. Many believe it can happen to anyone today who has to suffer frequent and long hours of travel between different time zones.
Described as a “smart, intelligent and ambitious individual,” Ranjan could, however, be representing a certain cluster of men - the “Alpha Male”, who are often victims of their own drives and habits. “Karoshi,” (literally translated from Japanese, means death from overwork, heart attack, stroke or stress) is common among them. They are also afflicted with sleep disorders which adversely affect their health and cause sudden death. According to Dr Siladitya Ray, consultant psychiatrist with Desun Hospital & Heart Institute. Ruby General Hospital, Kolkata, Alpha males do not always die early. Their threshold of working against stress is unbelievably high and they keep pushing it. As a result, they are often likely to suffer from various afflictions like Parkinsonism, Alzheimer, Bipolar and Sleep Apnea - disorders that arise and perpetuate the vicious cycle of living an unbalanced life.
Who is the Alpha male? How will you identify one? Simply put, in the game of the survival of the fittest, the one who takes away the grand prize. An Arnold Schwarzenegger, a Sylvester Stallone, with considerable physical prowess? Not necessarily. Survival as human species involves subtle power games that lie more in the realms of the mind. The Alpha male is someone who masterminds, pitches and wins strategic deals maintaining a certain clout and social status wherever he goes. Despite being charming and generous, he can be extremely mercurial and aggressive. His ideas are totally out of the box. As a visionary he can be very radical. Someone who is capable of extraordinary courage, conviction, affirmation and yet is chased by occasional bouts of self doubt and depression.
“Many Alpha males may come from disturbed and broken families but this is not always true,” says Ray. Most are, however, somewhat introverted and reserved in their teens with a striking confrontational disposition when demeaned, devalued or challenged. The Alpha adult is otherwise the most comfortable-looking person in the room with magnetic charm. He is also someone with a visible ego drive. This attitude helps them to bulldoze through every obstacle in life and needs constant bolstering. “I am successful but am I noticed and am I desired?” This is a common refrain in their mind, reaching a crazy pitch when they are in their prime. “This emotional vulnerability or intense ego drive can be the nemesis for the Alpha male if he is not suitably prepared to cope up with the stress his lifestyle naturally demands,” reminds Ray.
“This man is riding the hottest steed ever; a galloping testosterone often finds it difficult to keep it to the straight and narrow,” according to Vibha married to a young industrialist in Mumbai. A student of psychology herself, Vibha recognises and empathises with her Alpa partner. “The temptation to explore the uncharted territory is undeniably strong in these men. He may go where angels fear to tread, such is his faith in himself. He may, however, find himself confronting demons hard to defeat too. These demons are created over a period of time and can’t be ignored when they become full fledged terrorists,” she says. Ray says that an intelligent, accepting companion who can understand his drive and help him channelise his energy is a blessing they need.
It is not easy to be the numero uno. The tortuous climb, apart the effort to stay at the top, is a Herculean task. Not to mention how lonely it gets at the top. The Alpha male is almost always a victim of this intense solitariness that makes him literally stand apart from the melee. Love, appreciation and security in emotional bonding - everything that keeps a person together during hard times, may be unavailable to him. The rigid lifestyle that he creates for himself, his work and result-oriented attitude is not always conducive to building long term relationships. He craves for them and attracts them to himself. His mindset may not allow any opportunity of a meaningful relationships. Though he is capable of sharing deep love, the Alpha male feels forced to create and breathe in a vicious environment of quick gratification. He fears any sort of binding commitment that traps him to live a regular life. Focused on keeping himself going, he may even regret becoming the opportunist and manipulator that he is often forced to become.
“Even when they most successful they are uncomfortable with the emotional emptiness they feel,” cautions Ray. Alpha males are therefore “prone to megalomania, depressive tendencies, sexual excesses and violent outbursts,” according to him. “Some of them develop frank Borderline Personality Disorder characterised by extreme behavior, impulsivity, drug abuse, radical mood swings and unstable relationships.”
The essential challenge with the Alpha Male is to live in moderation. Moderation may be a balanced approach to life but it is like a dam that restricts the gusto of a flowing river. Men who take up the cudgel and make things happen have to be tremendous go-getters. “There is a huge hazard involved in taking the first leap and you need to be a risk taker to bring profound transformation in anything – be it a business, a company or the society,” says Dilip Doshi, who is in complete awe of his big brother who single handedly established a chain of restaurants in India and is successfully running them even in this time of recession. However, he sees the pitfall as clearly. “Sometimes in their eagerness to expand and see their vision fulfilled they spread themselves too thin,” he says. Both in times of money, time and affection, the Alpha male may finally find himself beleaguered with limited resources.
“Interestingly their sharp mental acumen makes them amazingly self-introspective. They are also capable of greater self-control than any ordinary person and can live a far richer and meaningful life if they choose to, like the monk who sold the Ferrari,” adds Vibha optimistically.
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